Reading some of the comments on my last video about Charlie’s u-turn has led me to think that perhaps I should stick to what I do best – performing with my megaphone and signs and interviewing/interacting with random people.
But I just felt I wanted one more stab at this subject.
I have been accused of various things here, Self indulgence, having a big ego and missing the point of peoples’ questions.
I am indeed self-indulgent. I am not sure if that is a crime but if it is, I plead guilty. I also do have an ego. Actually, I am not really sure if there is such a thing. Its just a word trying to describe a concept. But if it does exist I sure have one. And there seem to be various schools of thought as to how to relate to this concept in others and myself. Some say get rid of it completely. Others say embrace it.
With regards to the final point about my missing the point, I think that comment is also accurate. People were asking my thoughts about Charlie, not because they worship my every word but simply because they think that because I was in partnership so to speak with Charlie, perhaps I have some information which would explain his change of mind which they find difficult to understand.
I think I did miss the point. This is because I am very sensitive to the whole guru worship thing. It is really the last thing that I want because it seems to me that it is not healthy for anyone involved.
I must say that since I have been doing this, the overwhelming majority of people that recognise me and come up to me on the streets do not do so with some sense of being star struck but instead they just seem happy to meet me and often express that the films touched them or inspired them to do something etc. I do feel very uncomfortable when people ask to have a photo with me and I often attempt to discourage them. So this fear affects the way I perceive things which should explain the previous video to some extent.
I actually don’t know Charlie that well. I am not even sure I know anyone well enough to explain how their mind works. Most importantly, I don't even know how my own mind works so I simply do not understand his change of mind. The films we made together did not mention 911 to my knowledge so perhaps its really none of business.
Even though I don’t know him, I do have experience of being in the limelight and it has some very big downsides for me. If I could do what I do in disguise like the anti terrorist, I would. It really messes with the mind. I have all these people adoring me or adoring the IMAGE they have of me in their mind, others hate me (eg the police bike video in which people wished I would die in an accident) and people accusing me of all sorts of other things – being patronising, condescending etc. Its enough to drive anyone crazy in a mad world to start with. I can only imagine what Charlie is going through right now and it can't be pleasant. People sit behind their keyboards in the safety of their homes and fire off vindictive comments, most if not all of which are projections and don't seem to be aware that there is a human being on the receiving end just trying to make head or tail of things.
When I notice myself attacking someone, if I have enough awareness to catch myself in the act, I notice almost always that I am 'being' what I despise. Not the most healthy way of being.