Prison in Tesco

Thursday 28th October 2006

The Story with three titles

Wanted : Two Singing men with Masks

Outer Prisons Inner Freedom, Inner Prisons Outer Freedom

I think its fair to say that I had one of the most bizarre days of my life today. At midday I went with a friend to visit someone who is paralyzed from the chest downwards. It was an amazing learning experience. She is in a way a very powerful teacher, teaching something that most of us can only talk about. When you get into her room, you find a woman in bed with a smiling face. When we investigated further, we asked her how she feels about Yom Kippur – is she angry with God ? She immediately answered ‘no’ and we felt a sense that she wasn’t just saying it.

After we had been with Belinda for a while, we offered to buy some fresh juices for her at the local Tesco Superstore. When we got there, we thought we would continue on our journey of exposing the madness of our society and the insanity of adult buy-ins to the madness. So we stood by the boxes of black magic (chocolates) and approached several ‘shoppers’ (when you enter Tesco, you immediately transform from human to shopper) We asked them how they would respond if someone were to give them a box of black magic. The first woman said ‘I’ll take those, my lover will like them !’ At first I thought she might be a lesbian but she promptly informed us that she had a husband and a lover. She had originally bought two identical boxes of chocolates – one for each and then thought it a bit ironic so she bought the dark chocs for her lover. She said she had an apartment with the lover and in her basket she basically had two of everything and was buying for both homes ! What was of course astonishing was that she was telling us her secret.

The next woman responded ‘I wouldn’t take them because I don’t want to marry you !’

Eventually the manager came up to us. He tried to cover up his aggression with smiles and niceties. He asked whether we were professional market researches. We responded we are not professionals but that we are forever researching the market of life. He continued with his aggression and with being very unaware of the energy he was putting out. We mentioned to the woman at the checkout that we had been on the receiving end of his aggression and she let us know that she had to put up with it too. We had another long chat with him about what exactly is and is not ok in Tesco. We challenged him asking if we are allowed to talk to other people in the shop (he kept calling them shoppers/customers) But of course we are’ customers’ too ! He said we were standing there talking to several one after the other. We asked how many people are ok to speak to ! Of course he fumbled at the madness of it all . he soflty intimated (and aggressively but hidden) that if we carried on, he would have us removed. Someone had complained that they thought we were employees of Tescos and that she thought she was getting the chocs for free !

We returned to Belinda for a while spending some time with a guy with cerebal palsy. It took him ten minutes to say what most of us would say in 30 seconds. We sat there present and listening. But we felt not an ounce of anger and aggression from him that we felt form the manager and that we were about to feel from so many people that day. We felt no aggression from Belinda either.

We finally left Belinda at around 3 pm and decided to return to Tesco. We wouldn’t give chocs to people so as not to confuse them. Instead we would stand and sing in Tesco and see what happened. We decided to stand by the Halloween section and saw the masks. We then thought it would be good to put on masks so we selected two and put them on . We then simply said hello to people as they walked passed. After 20 minutes, a different manager came by and asked us if we were going to purchase the masks and if so we should go and buy them and leave the shop. We said we will purchase them but only when we were ready to do so. So we stood there singing ‘Mad World’ by Tears for fears at average volume. People walked by – some laughed especially the kids (who are still not drenched in fear like us adults) others looking a bit bewildered. The manager started to get very aggressive. He was mocking us and looking at us with venom. He then got his security guard to ask us to leave and we politely refused. Then he said he was calling the police. We asked some of the staff why they were doing this ? Surely they could see that we really weren’t harming anybody ? They said that this is their job – just ‘taking orders’ ! Irony – we had the masks on and they were wearing their masks. One manager said he had to do this work to support his Mum who has cancer. That touched us and we told him so.

So picture the scene – the two of us in Halloween masks just standing there, surrounded by four Tesco staff, all of them with aggressive body language and verbally abusive. And what were we arrested for ? Harassing the staff at Tesco ! So the police came. At first they were going to do us for breach of the peace and then they changed it to harassment. So lets get this straight. We were actually being arrested for wearing a mask and singing ! For that is was worth getting locked up. So we chose to get arrested.

But we were still wearing the masks ! We said we would buy them but the manager said he was refusing to let us buy them (How old was he being ?! What mask was he wearing ?!) So we said we will leave the money on the floor and leave with the masks on and they could arrest us for theft if they wanted. They thought that unwise so they let us do this and gave the money to charity ! Aren’t they generous !!

The policeman took hold of my hand and I told him to let go and that I would walk to the van. I proceeded to walk extremely slowly and he then pulled me aggressively towards the van. So off we both went in a caged police van to the custody centre in St Albans still fully masked.

They left us in the back for 15 minutes – rather claustrophobic. Eventually they called me in to see the custody officer. I kep my mask on and was very polite and jolly. The arresting officer had said he understood what we were doing and was starting to be amused as was the custody officer. He thanked us for bringing a smile to his face ! I contued with the mask on throughout, as he asked me loads of questions – the type you mnight expect to ask someone who was singing and wearing a mask. Like Do you have a drugs problem – ‘Yes, I replied. I cant get them anywhere !’ Do you have any mental health issues. ‘ Show me a human and I’ll show you mental health issues’ I responded. And so it went on. They took everything away from me and searched me (of course I was a grave danger to the public despite the fact that all the aggression had come from the tesco staff. They asked me to take off my belt – I said that my trousers may not stay up ! I gave them it and let my trousers slip ! I stood there for the rest of the interview in my underpants and they fetched a pair of prison trousers.

At the end of the interview they asked me to remove my mask (and the small clip form my kippa!), because it was a risk for self harming in the cell. I asked what would happen if I did not comply and they said they would use reasonable force to remove it. Another irony – they can use force to harm me so that I don’t harm myself with a plastic mask with a tiny bit of elastic ! The only regret I have is that I didn’t take this further and have them force me – I wanted to try and speed up the process as I was meant at be at a 40th birthday party .

I finally got to call Michelle to tell her I was there and it would take a while and then they took me to my very own personal cell ! I had to remove my shoes. It was a surreal experience which I would truly recommend to everyone. Just me with no watch, phone, books or anything to distract me from myself. I meditated for a while and thought about Belinda. There she is stuck in the prison of her own body yet she has not let her mind to take her prisoner. She accepts her life in the understanding that there is a bigger picture and she doesn’t let anger rule her. And so I meditated and worked on accepting that I was where I was meant to be. I also was reminded that I could choose peace right there and then. That I needed nothing in order to choose to be happy. Then I started singing. The cell had perfect acoustics with loads of reverb (echo) I started at full voice with Kol NIdrei, what with it being Yom Kippur on Sunday eve and then sung Ashamnu (the confession prayer) It was surreal again. And my partner in crime could hear me and we sung with each other. It sounded beautiful to at least two people – the two of us.

After an hour and a half, I was taken for finger printing. I had a lovely chat with the officer doing the job and asked what would happen if I refused. He said he could use reasonable force to make me. Sadly I was trying to get out of the place – if I did it again I would refuse so that they would have to force me. It is not an offence to refuse. He took my picture and I put on a big smile. Only this week I had noticed that on TV news, people accused of crimes are always pictured with a serious/aggressive face whilst the pictures of victims are often smiley.

The human (he calls himself officer) then took me back to my cell but I asked for the toilet. He pointed me to a seatless toilet. I urinated and then he said I need to go back into the cell. I asked what would happen if I refused and once again ‘reasonable force’ was the reply. I indeed did refused and he aggressively pushed me into the cell.

After around 3 hours in total, I was finally told of my options – I could either pay an £80 fine or go to court. I took the fine because it gives you the option of 3 weeks to change your mind to go to court. They took me from the cell back to the area of the custody officer. The shift had changed, and in the place of the previous rather gregarious officer, was a stern yet attractive looking female officer. They handed me back my belongings and asked me to sign the document of release. I put my mask back on and she aggressively blurted out ‘take that off !’ Sadly once again I was in a rush or else I would have really pushed this one to the limits. Here she was, having lost her humanity, slave to her own anger, speaking to me like a bad teacher in a school because she had a uniform on and I didn’t. (In schools it the other way around – the ones without the uniforms shout at the ones with uniform !) I asked her why she was shouting at me. She shouted back ‘ Because you should take this seriously !’ I am not aware of a law that we need to take the police seriously and in the circumstances I wondered how she could keep a straight face. Shame I didn’t pursue this and refuse to take it off. I wondered whether she would have put me back into the cell and on what grounds. The officer who arrested us, who as mentioned understood what we were doing, gently suggested I take the mask off and put it back on in the car as he kindly agreed to take us back to tesco.

We did just that and he took as back and we had a cool chat on the way. He dropped us off and we popped back into Tesco fully masked. We told a few employees about what had happened and they just laughed.

This experience was so rich with ‘stuff’ I hardly know where to begin.

The number of times the police and tesco staff repeated the mantra ‘We are just doing our job’ – so who indeed is the free one. As I was being dragged out to the caged van, I asked why I couldn’t take a picture of the scene. He retorted ‘Because you are not in control now’ But who indeed was not in control and who was ? Surely I am in control of how I am being in every moment. And yet those ‘doing their job’ surely they are the ones that are not in control. Who is free ? Myself – alone in my cell choosing to accept that life is exactly as its meant to be (ie choosing peace ) or the policemen, prisoners to their orders from above and to the orders from below (the anger in their bellies) ?

As I write, I continue to challenge myself looking at all the masks I put on in my different roles – all the made up personas I use to allow me to dump my unhealed anger on people. The hardest arena is the mask of parent. I wonder which genius thought up the idea our parents used to use on us ‘Don’t answer back !’ what a crazy concept ! I would never say that to a friend in a conversation, so how can I say it to a holy child – to my holy child ? Even more than that, it should surely be the other way around. We already have heaps more power than they do. We are usually at least twice their size and are meant to be significantly more developed in logical and emotional sophistication than they so surely , when entering a difficult discussion it is us the adults who should take on the handicaps ! We should be the ones who don’t answer back ! And just because I ask my child to do something, does that mean they should do it, anymore than my obeying the officer who asks me to take off my mask ? What hurts when my child does not ‘obey’ ? Perhaps its my false sense of self I have built up. ‘How dare this little shnipz doesn’t listen to me and obey me – do they know who I am ??!!’ Well the answer to that is Yes – they know exactly you are - just another human – one who made up all these personas.

It occurred to me that when I put on my ‘parent’ mask, it somehow allows me to be aggressive and shout at my kids in a way, that if I saw the babysitter emulate, I would be horrified and I would sack him/her immediately ! (In fact that is exaclt what happened in our childhood - one of our babysitters used to dig her nails into us if we didnt obey her and she was promptly sacked - yet our parents woudl do the same and worse!) How utterly bizarre to expect more of the 16 year old babysitter than of myself just because I am a ‘parent’

I didn’t get a chance to ask if the angry policewoman has kids. If so I wonder what she does when they don’t listen to their Mum ! Does she get her uniform on and say ‘Do you know who I am ?’

So once again this experience keeps me asking Who Am I ?

The Rambam’s (Maimonidies) approach to the question ‘Who is God’ is to say who God is not. So too is my approach to the question Who am I ? I am certainly not my imagined personas and the behaviours I justify in their dark shadow.

As I write this final sentence 3 days later, I think this episode has changed me and my parenting forever, Thank God.

I would strongly recommend anyone to consider experiencing something similar.

Love

Danny